Raped as a kid leading to trouble as an adult, I think..

2021.12.08 17:09 Throwawayoldlettuce Raped as a kid leading to trouble as an adult, I think..

Made a throw away account, ignore username.
20(f) I’ve been randomly crying multiple times a day for the past month or so. It wasn’t until now that I realized I have no support system outside of my family, but I can’t share my thoughts with my family. I don’t know if this is depression. I really think I’m just going through a crying phase. What hit me today that makes me want to fix this is crying in front of my little sister. It just hurts me that I couldn’t control it. I’m the clown of my family, literally always laughing and talking non stop.
My sister and I were both raped by my brother for a couple of years. I’m 3 years older than my sister & my brother is 6 years older than me. It wasn’t until junior year of high school I realized what had happened. But it wasn’t until this year that I started thinking about it everyday. I wake up thinking about it and I go to sleep thinking about it. We all still live together. I’m moving out January of 2023 to transfer from a community to university, also I think I need to be alone to gain maturity.
I don’t know if this is the reason I cry everyday but I have no other “main” issues in my life. I say “main” because I’m sure being raped is the reason I’m insecure. I remember he used to pick her over me to go first. I have been chubby my whole life and she’s been skinny. Today I planned to go get some coffee at a local shop but I couldn’t even get out of my car because I got super self conscious. It happens a lot of the times and it just leads to panic attacks and then I drive home. I always look at the brighter side and I’m just grateful I have tinted windows. This doesn’t always happen though, but my mind changes really fast from “let’s go” to “you look like the female shrek”. The crazy part is I know I’m pretty. Not to toot my own horn or whatever the saying is but I’m just insecure about being 20ish lbs overweight. Which is hard for me to lose since I have PCOS but that’s a different issue. Once my mind shifts it’s over for my confidence.
A couple of years ago my sister went though bad depression. But at the time I didn’t know it was depression. It wasn’t until she got better that I realized what was going on. She wouldn’t shower for days, her room was a mess, she was skipping meals, she was on academic probation, she would spend every single hour outside of class locked in her room. I remember her hair (curly) was extremely clumped up and had mold. I don’t know why she was depressed. In my family we don’t talk about feelings like that.
I also remember when I realized I was raped I told my parents I was depressed. I didn’t say why though. That’s when my dad got his belt and gave me the beating of my life. I love my dad though. He just says I have no responsibility in life so depression isn’t a thing for me.
I work in a nursing home as a CNA. I texted I was calling off 40 minutes before my shift. I felt so bad but I was crying uncontrollably and I just knew I would cry at work. I never get mad so I wasn’t worried I was going to take my pain out on my patients. I’m definitely not like that. But I knew I was probably going to be in the linen closet crying. I feel so bad not going but there’s no time to be crying and feeling said when I have 20 patients. Thankfully someone was able to cover me.
I’m just venting a whole lot. I have 0 friends, I have a boyfriend who’s extremely caring but all he suggests is moving away and calling the cops or whoever you call when you want to report a rape that happened years ago. But this is something I know I can overcome. I don’t have health insurance and I’m not getting any this year because I don’t want to take out loans for school so I’m working to pay it all off. Hopefully 2023 I’ll be able to seek therapy and get health insurance to cover some “chill”medication or whatever I need.
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2021.12.08 17:09 23z7 Passed my defense today!

And just like that it’s over…Went through my defense today with no issues answering all the questions. Have a few minor corrections and a couple notes to add in the appendix, but other than that I’m done!
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2021.12.08 17:09 Bot_Highlights A lil montage to celebrate winter express finally coming back | /u/jeffbezosonlean

A lil montage to celebrate winter express finally coming back | jeffbezosonlean submitted by Bot_Highlights to ApexVideos [link] [comments]


2021.12.08 17:09 lockjacket Subreddit dedicated to mocking and debunking pseudoscience?

I’m looking for a subreddit that is like vaxxhappened that also covers other stupid shit.
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2021.12.08 17:09 Bot_Highlights Wingman needs a buff 😩 | /u/FRTrent

Wingman needs a buff 😩 | FRTrent submitted by Bot_Highlights to ApexVideos [link] [comments]


2021.12.08 17:09 Brian5550234 Full contact karate competition with punches, kicks, elbows, knees, takedowns, takedowns, submissions, for me it only needs headbutts to be the ideal karate competition.

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2021.12.08 17:09 Phenomonal_Calories Hey do you wanna see old PS2 Wrestling games with wacky stories? Boy do I got the stream for you! Today we are playing John Cena's Road To Wrestlemania! It is probably the story with the most content it it, should be fun, and very, very wacky! Non Wrestling fans can even enjoy!

https://twitch.tv/Calories19
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2021.12.08 17:09 Radiant_Ad_1851 What’s the difference between traditional Chinese and simplified Chinese?

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2021.12.08 17:09 Bot_Highlights A sad ending to a 20 kill game :( | /u/Xsp99

A sad ending to a 20 kill game :( | Xsp99 submitted by Bot_Highlights to ApexVideos [link] [comments]


2021.12.08 17:09 TraditionAnxious The leaves of the Moringa tree have 7x the vitamin C of oranges & 15x more potassium than bananas. It also has calcium, protein, iron, and amino acids, which help your body heal and build muscle. Best of all this tea has 0 calories.

The leaves of the Moringa tree have 7x the vitamin C of oranges & 15x more potassium than bananas. It also has calcium, protein, iron, and amino acids, which help your body heal and build muscle. Best of all this tea has 0 calories. submitted by TraditionAnxious to fasting [link] [comments]


2021.12.08 17:09 MythicGoldGoose 🎉GIVEAWAY TIME!!🎉 GIVING AWAY 10 OF THESE UNDEAD NFTs!!! UPVOTE AND CLICK TWITTER LINK IN COMMENTS TO SEE WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE TO ENTER!!!! GO QUICK!!! 🎉🎉

🎉GIVEAWAY TIME!!🎉 GIVING AWAY 10 OF THESE UNDEAD NFTs!!! UPVOTE AND CLICK TWITTER LINK IN COMMENTS TO SEE WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE TO ENTER!!!! GO QUICK!!! 🎉🎉
https://preview.redd.it/tjjtrkidfd481.png?width=3000&format=png&auto=webp&s=6ef2354493dee5028cd3f9d74f6f1bf635abe246
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2021.12.08 17:09 doppelganger1069 Fake Takis

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2021.12.08 17:09 Bot_Highlights First clip edit I’ve done! (My clips) apex arenas | /u/Lilpigman4

First clip edit I’ve done! (My clips) apex arenas | Lilpigman4 submitted by Bot_Highlights to ApexVideos [link] [comments]


2021.12.08 17:09 wardukeboye dreanicoleee

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2021.12.08 17:09 pinkuhtonne ‘I’m Alright’ (Madeleine Peyroux).. ‘he made me laugh, he made me cry, he smoked his stoggies in bed, but I’m alright, I’m alright, I’ve been lonely before’ ❤️

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2021.12.08 17:09 GTAclipster How the sausage gets made

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2021.12.08 17:09 Responsible-Equal128 the best lounge playlist I have ever found, thank me later

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2021.12.08 17:09 miaminaples Texas school district reviewing over 400 library books after Republican inquiry : NPR

Texas school district reviewing over 400 library books after Republican inquiry : NPR submitted by miaminaples to politics [link] [comments]


2021.12.08 17:09 NuyteBuns Dreaming of black rats

Last night I had a dream that involved 4-5 black rats. I went to use the restroom and as I turn the light on I see them. I jump up on the sink and try to get out the restroom. As I’m going out the door one jumps up leg and crawls into my shorts and the other crawls up my back. Just curious if anyone has had a dream like this before lol..or what have y’all experienced
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2021.12.08 17:09 moinmoin2421 Kann mich jmd jmd als bibi versklaven

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2021.12.08 17:09 Duckii9487 How discreet is Nintendo’s packaging for online orders?

I ordered a Nintendo switch from the Nintendo website and it just arrived today - sadly, I won’t be able to grab it from my apartment complexes mail room for a few hours. I am worried about it getting stolen while I am at work. How obvious is the packaging?
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2021.12.08 17:09 Bot_Highlights how did i knock someone with 0 damage inflicted? | /u/earthcastle

how did i knock someone with 0 damage inflicted? | earthcastle submitted by Bot_Highlights to ApexVideos [link] [comments]


2021.12.08 17:09 puppyciel Question, does this hair have a medulla? For some reason I can’t tell

Question, does this hair have a medulla? For some reason I can’t tell submitted by puppyciel to ForensicScience [link] [comments]


2021.12.08 17:09 call-me-plant-daddy I have 2 cuttings from the same schefflera and noticed today that one put out a bunch of roots at the end while the other has a bunch of root primordia all along the stem but no full roots yet. They both seem to be doing well, just weird how they do different things.

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2021.12.08 17:09 BluntBurners 😌

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